7 cool-like tips on how to make amazing Youtube Vlogs

If you've recently watched charlieissocoollike's two-part video, 'My YouTube Rules', you should know exactly how to go about creating a fairly decent video blog, apparently. However, CheekTV has already addressed that some of the things ol' Charlie bangs on about in his video seem a tad 'off', shall we say. So, here's HCTV's niftier set of tips (well, rules, really) for making the best Youtube Vlog that a person can.

1. Firstly, it is imperative that you leave a comment on this post, rate it, share it, then go and do the same with all the HCTV videos, being sure to also subscribe to the Youtube channel, follow HCTV on Twitter and like HCTV on Facebook. This is all extremely important.
2. Always refer to your audience as 'cunt'. Always. For example, "Hi cunts, thanks for watching!" It's very personal. Tends to go down a treat. They love it. You're sure to get plenty of comments that way!
3. Don't make videos for anyone. Not yourself, not who's watching, nobody whatsoever. Just do it in the hope that perhaps you might like the finished project and, perhaps, someone out there will actually watch the damn thing too. It's not a hobby, it's a habit. Like picking your nose on the tube. The majority of people will watch in disgust but, somewhere on the London Underground, there's a guy who loves that shit.
4. Youtube's 'annotations' invention is the most astonashingly brilliant thing to exist since sliced bread. Use annotations in your videos anywhere and everywhere you can. Your cunts at home love a surprise, so when one of these blue bastards pop up over your face insisting they should go and check out some other video you've half-heartedly thrown together - they just will!
5. Ensure that the thumbnail on your video is a pair of tits and that whatever its true content, it's titled 'XXX Naked Lesbian Sex Orgy'. That'll be sure to get you some clicks. And maybe a few comments.
6. If you're offered any kind of business opportunity, take it. But, only if it pays enough cash to get you off Tesco's 'Everyday Value' range for a good couple of weeks.
7. And finally, create a schedule, do an Excel spreadsheet and write sticky notes and stick them everywhere, reminding yourself that you need to attend to your cunts at the VERY least FIVE times a week because they simply cannot live without your opinion on those damn those lines at the cinema - and then, don't do a video for six months. By then you'll have so many ideas that your next video is bound to be mind-blowing. And, all your cunt-fans will have been so looking forward to your return, you're bound to get hundreds and hundreds, if not hundreds of views. And maybe some comments.

ZAP! Reviews - The Cabin In The Woods & The Avengers

Be sure to check out this brand new ZAP! Review, which sees Roo deliver his opinion on both The Avengers and The Cabin In The Woods at maximum speed.

What's so shocking about the fact that both these movies aren't just good, but really good, is that they are essentially old, tired ideas. Superhero movies have been done to death and The Cabin In The Woods had the potential of being yet another Final Destination or Scream-type kill-fest where the whole point is to just watch adolescents get picked off one by one, some with their tits out while it happens.

So, what exactly is it that makes an old idea feel new again? Reinvetion. Final Destination 5 was refreshing because it shook things up. It seemed to take itself a touch more seriously but was well aware that it was also quite daft. Whereas, The Cabin In The Woods totally reinvents the teen-horror genre because around every single corner there's something unexpected. It's determined to blow your mind repeatedly until you can no longer take it. It writes itself into corners and then bravely fights its way out of them. It doesn't just count on the fact stabby-slashers rake in the money by default - it challenges that mindset and surprises a lot of movie goers with a pretty earth-shattering set of completely brand new ideas. 

Make it for adults. Don't try and appeal to everybody, don't aim for the 12A rating and don't dumb your idea down. The Avengers is a 12A, yes, but it isn't 'The Hunger Games'. It doesn't censor itself - it does exactly what it should and stays true to its story, trusting itself 100%. What's happening on screen is the truth, a believable set of events taking place within an alternate universe. It has a lot of humour and moments that adults and kids will undoubtedly piss themselves at, but it also keeps hold of its brain. Unlike Captain America, it's not paint-by-numbers. The damn thing is haracter driven, containing some brilliant dialogue and it's shocking and quite chilling at times too.

A movie that takes its fictional universe seriously, that's prepared to have a laugh along the way, but refuses to lose sight of the fact its characters should be driving the story forward - leading to all sorts of bad decisions, unique twists and turns and never-before-seen brilliance - is the kind of movie we should be seeing more often. It goes to show that reboots aren't all bad and a sequel doesn't always have to be cringe-worthy.

Ben there, done that!

Ben Mitchell, the east end's most notorious homosexual psychopath, is capable of just about anything. That's a fact. He pushed lovely Glenda down the stairs and he managed to psychologically disturb his father, hard-man Phil Mitchell (and the rest of us) with secret messages and a stash of black envelopes. He even burned his little sister with a hot teaspoon in the style of the crazy psycho bitch who taught him how it's all done - Stella.

But it's poor Heather Trott who's experienced the worst of Ben Mitchell's evil gay ways. He made her believe she had an imaginary boyfriend that didn't exist, which in turn lead to her becoming the laughing stock of Albert Square. Then, to top it all off, he only went and murdered the poor girl.

So, let's think for a moment. If Ben Mitchell really is capable of just about anything, surely the Eastenders team have a brilliant reason behind throwing in a scene every now and then where he examines Hev's cheap picture frame (given to her by best pal, Shirley) that he used to smash her round the back of the head with. Surely he's keeping hold of it for some sneaky specific purpose! The theory: he is in fact a scientific genius, and he's going to build an army. Yes, he killed Hev but he can bring her back to life using the DNA left on that mucky ol' blood stained picture frame, in his secret laboratory! And not jut once, but twice! Three times! An army of cloned, dangerously obese women all under evil gay Ben's control. DUFF DUFF DUFF, etc.

Dexter needs a Doctor

Warning: Cointains the tiniest of spoilers

The majority of Dexter fans will agree that the earlier seasons of the show were the best and that it peaked at season 4 - since then it hasn't recovered. Season 5 was naff, at best, but comes across as pretty much the best damn thing on TV since sliced bread commercials when you sit it next to the tat that was season 6.

So, why exactly is the show on such a slippery slope? It's 'shock' moments aren't so shocking any more and the build up to reveals takes far too long for such a bunch of bizarre, short-lived pay-offs. In other words, it's leaving a lot to be desired, because they're trying too hard to do 'cool' shit.

Season 7 should be very interesting now that there's a whole new theme to explore (a theme that we were all very much looking forward to being explored until the writers decided to throw in that whacky mind-fuck of a random plot twist that everybody deemed, simultaneously while watching, completely unnecessary, if not a little bit yucky) - but is this brand new turn of events going to save, or strap-in-plastic-wrap-and-kill the show?

It's all getting a touch OTT. Imaginary dad's in Dexter's head, for example. Is he talking to his father in real life, out loud, to an invisible man, or is he just talking to him inside his own head? There used to be a helpful 'glow' effect put across the screen when he was talking to Harry, but since that's been abandoned and Dexter can physically interract with his imaginary friends too, what on Earth are we meant to believe?! Without revealing too much, season 6 has a strong religious theme running throughout (and at times it can get very 'Saw') which leads to a fairly ridiculous 'epic' finale that really needn't have been so dramatic.

Dexter could have been mistaken for a chef on the cover of Season 1's DVD collection, but dive in head first and you'll be whisked away on an edge-of-your-seat murder-fest. It really is rather good telly, and Dexter was at its best back then, when it was personal, quieter, a touch more internal and when it built its tension a hell of a lot more subtly. Season 5 was full of pantomime villains and Season 6 contained too many 'convinient' moments that quite handily got Dexter out of hot water on more than one occasion. We, as an audience, are willing to suspend our belief only so far and season 4 was about far enough. They need to reel it back in and take ol' Dex back to his roots.

In fact, if it gets much more melodramatic it'll be well on its way to competing with Brit's Doctor Who! Actually, come to think of it - the US remake nearly every one of our shows instead of just watching it the way we did it for some reason, so why don't they give remaking Doctor Who a try? Yeah, start from scratch! Wipe away all the Tardis-sized plot holes and shove Dexter Morgan through the vortex! He'd make one hell of a Doctor Who, let's face it. And have some of the murdering rub off onto the show as well - Doctor Who's always needed to get a little grittier. Who's with me?! (Get it? Who...!?) No? Fine.

Grab yourself one of Dexter's blood slides here, it'll save you having to do that whole time consuming murdering thing.

Being careful in the rain...

Has anybody else noticed the startling similarities between some of the adverts on the London Underground? Surely, there must be a set of laws in place to prevent this from happening! One can't help but think that the new 'won't hurt you' safety posters by TFL were designed to mimick the adverts for 'Singin' in the Rain' on purpose! Take a look at what happens when you mash the two together:

SFX Geek-fest 2012!

It has to be said that Prestatyn doesn't look like the sort of town that gets a lot of action. Traditionally, geeks don't either, so what better place to hold the 3rd annual SFX Weekender?! (HAHA!)

SFX's 2nd event was written about on Roo's old personal blog last year, but was the 3rd year better? Well, yes, it was. How about Pontins? No. Hell no. Actually it was probably worse. It's amazing how after a few minutes of downpour the entire holiday park floods. It's strange how they think they can get away with keeping almost every chalet freezing cold, holding back on the hot water, supplying broken fridges and, most importantly, refusing to clean up the majority of the previous holidaymaker's pubic hairs off the bathroom floor.

Aside from the quite appalling accommodation (people PAY for this shit?!), SFX had a rather fantastic array of events, parties, movie screenings and general fun lined up over three nights and two days of OTT nerdy-ness. Some celebs couldn't make it because of a catastrophic train derailment from London Euston, but that's not the mag's fault! There were some let-downs - so what?! They more than made up for that with a vast range of geeked out stalls selling literally stacks of whacky merchandise, and entertainment throughout Pontins all day long (including a Dalek doing stand-up - a personal highlight!).

It'd be nice if the folks on the panels had more of a debate over whatever they were talking about - events such as the 'Just a Minute' spoof & 'Ready Steady Flash' were far more exciting to watch because those involved were speaking up, getting over excited and loud! Nobody wants to fall asleep watching a lecture on 'holiday'. The cabaret was a mega-highlight (Chris Cross & his innuendos seemed to GO DOWN well...) as were the SFX awards, hosted by Robert Rankin, who got marched to the stage by about a thousand Storm Troopers. 'Twas epic. Oh, and speaking of the awards, it'd be nice if SFX readers allowed some other shows a chance to scoop up a trophy. I think Steven Moffat's head might explode if you keep licking his ass any longer (Chris Cross might agree). And - please - give Farscape some more attention. Greatest science fiction show of all time. Really. Nevertheless, whatever you find fault in, they did good. Where else can you dress up as Batman, grab a beer, sit next to a wookie and participate in a Buffy sing along screening of 'Once More With Feeling'? If you want to let your inner geek out, here's the place to do it!